What is gender?
The way we are brought up is usually as a ‘girl’ or a ‘boy’ (although these socially constructed identities are not as strict as they used to be). Sometimes a baby may be born with both female and male physiology - ‘intersex’. The child’s parents will usually decide how they want to bring them up with regard to their outer gender identity.
Our gender identity is about the way we present ourselves in the world. For the majority of people this means they fit into the ‘binary’ system of ‘male’ (masculine) or ‘female’ (feminine).
The way these two gender identities are expressed depends on what your culture’s expectations are of that gender.
Sometimes people feel their gender is opposite to the body they were born into. If you don’t understand this it probably means you don’t feel like that.
Why does gender
identity matter?
Your gender identity may not be something you ever think about. But, some people have a very strong sense of unease about their gender. It may be that they feel more comfortable socialising with the opposite sex, may feel jealous that the opposite sex has a penis/breasts/vagina. They may hate their own bodies, resulting in lots of negative ways of coping with their feelings. These people may need to talk about the possibility of being ‘gender dysphoric’. If you have worries, feelings or concerns about this please speak to a trusted adult as soon as you feel able to. You can come to cherry pie to talk about these things.
Some people just don’t like the way society says they are ‘meant to be’ - girly or masculine (pink or blue)
This does not mean they are transgendered or experiencing gender dysmorphia,
they just don’t feel they fit into societies expectations of their gender. As teenagers you have lots of hormonal changes going on causing growth spurts, mood swings, and sexual feelings.
Gender expression is an important part of your developing self. It should not be confused with your sexuality, it is separate.
Who you fancy is who you fancy, whether you are female or male or intersex. It doesn't mean you have to worry about your gender identity.
What is sexuality?
As human beings we have sexual feelings towards other people, it is completely normal.
Some people like women, some like men, some like both, and some don’t like any. Some people like gender neutral or gender fluid people, and some people don't know who they like.
There is no reason to why you feel the way you feel. There is nothing wrong or weird about your feelings. Don’t put pressure on yourself to work it out, just be. You might want a label for your identity or you might not, the choice is yours. No-one can tell you ‘what you are’ because your sexuality is self -identified, if you say you’re gay, that’s how you identify and if you’re not ready to say your bisexual or pansexual you don’t have to.
If you think, feel or ‘just know’ that you aren’t straight that’s absolutely fine! If this is how you feel now, that’s fine, you might continue to feel this way, or you might change and that’s absolutely fine too!
So why worry?
At the moment we live in a society where everyone presumes you are straight or thinks that being straight is 'normal'. This is called ‘heteronormativity’ (a big word for a big problem!).
So, if you don’t feel ‘straight’ you might worry about expressing your sexual feelings – especially if you know people who are ‘homophobic’. This can cause you to feel unaccepted, unloved, or just plain weird – none of which are okay. If this is how you feel you might benefit from meeting or talking to other people who are similar to you, or to an adult that you trust.
